An empty manger: Resources for Facing Fertility Challenges This Christmas

by Liz Escoffery

 Dear friends wanting to start or grow their family this Christmas,

I see you gazing at the empty manger at church. I see the mixed emotions in your gaze and so I stop to say a prayer for you. 

I curated this resource list over the past few weeks with you in mind. Perhaps one of several of these resources will help you know you are not alone in your sadness and acknowledge the real suffering, a suffering that is real and relentless. 

Allow yourself to feel anything you need to feel right now: disappointment, sadness, frustration, anger, jealousy, helplessness, vulnerability, or even peace and joy. There is no wrong way to feel. Honor where you are at.  

The Christmas season can be especially difficult when you carry this unfulfilled desire on your heart. It can also be difficult for those who have lost a loved one (of any age!) recently—or a long time ago.

The due date of the baby we miscarried was December 23. I imagined what it would be like to have to cancel Christmas plans to head to the hospital to deliver my baby. Perfecta Marie, our first, made me a mother and my husband a father. I carry a piece of her in my heart, knowing that if my pregnancy had gone differently, we would be having a birthday party for a 4-year old right around Christmas time. That is a hard realization each and every year. I find hope in honoring this little one's life through my work and my work serving YOU is part of my story of how I found goodness in the midst of sadness and despair. In other words, I doubt Indy FertilityCare would exist if I had never carried my little Perfecta for 5 weeks in my womb. 

If this is not a season where you need these resources, would you consider sharing this post with a friend who is going through these things right now?

And if you need someone to listen, don’t hesitate to reach out. I am here for you.
 

Resources for Infertility

Articles
Advent and Infertility: Rediscovering a Season of Hope – Catholic Standard, Archdiocese of Washington
Carrying the Cross of Infertility during Advent – Blessed is She
Childless at Christmas: A Survival Guide – Deseret News
Where to Get the Support You Need During the Holiday Season – Your Fertile Self

Books
The Infertility Companion for Catholics: Spiritual and Practical Support for Couples by Carmen Santamaria and Angelique Ruhi-Lopez

Videos/Programs
The Organic Conceptions Program Holiday Message
More info on the Organic Conceptions Program 
The Creighton Model FertilityCare System-- Indy FertilityCare
The Shared Journey Fertility Program™ -- yinRoot
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Resources for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

Articles
A Release from Remembering- HOPE Mommies
Christmas Day Encouragement “I Miss Your Baby” – HOPE Mommies
Helping Families Heal during the Holiday Season- Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support
Surviving the Holidays- Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope
Ways to Honor Your Baby in Heaven- Bridget’s Cradles

Books
After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing & Hope by Karen Edmisten
Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg
Grieving Together: A Couple’s Journey through Miscarriage by Laura Kelly and Franco David Fanucci

Blog
Mothering Spirit by Laura Kelly Fanucci

Remembrance 
Christmas Keepsake to Commemorate your Loved One
Request a Mass at the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe
 
Tell me, what other resources have you found helpful during your journey (whether related to the Christmas season or not)?

Also, feel free to leave any prayer requests or intentions in the comments and I will hold them in my prayers, especially at Christmas Eve Mass.